Some Thoughts

Lately I have been feeling very displaced and disconnected from myself and from what surrounds me. It is not a great feeling and I have tried to ride this wave as well as I can. As you can imagine, I have had many contemplative moments and questions have arisen from those moments. I wonder why I feel so displaced and yet I know why deep down in my heart. I am very far away from my family. Having family around gives me a certain form of confidence and security. Yes, I have my own little family but somehow I feel the need for the family with generations of us in it.

These past few days I have also thought a lot about friendships. Friendships are very important to me especially as we are constantly sharing and learning from each other. Like any relationship friendships are work and a choice. I recently read a post on the blog of an Armenian artist and comedian, Vahe Berberian. This line really resonated with me “Committing to a friendship and making an effort to refresh it every time it wanes is essential, but to keep a friendship fresh and healthy, one must constantly try to come up with a common objective, a joint energy that will give a chance to put petty differences aside and enjoy a sense of solidarity”.

I am lucky in that I have a few friends with whom I share the creative energy with. I love what they do and it fills me with joy to see them creating wonderful things and in turn that gives me the energy and confidence to pursue my creativity. I also have very close friends with whom I do not share creative projects with but there is a special bond there that stays strong. But other friendships have not been very easy and in my first few years in Vancouver a couple of them did come and go. I have accepted that though as like the cycle of life, friendships must go to make room for new ones.

To be honest, I really don’t know where all this is going. I pondered for a while whether I should put this out there or not… and here I am putting it out there. You might be interested to read it or not. Why is it that we are so afraid to show our vulnerability. We want to look great, create wonderful things, smile all the time and so on but really isn’t there beauty in the rough edges of life, the struggle, the force in us to come through that struggle. That really is the essence of life is it not?

I guess what I am trying to say is that I love true people; people who are not afraid to say it as it is, to be true to themselves and accepting of their friends. Because at the end of the day I am what you see and you might not always like it but I promise this, I will be true to you and hope you will be the same back to me.

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2 Responses to Some Thoughts

  1. Cherish says:

    Thanks for being true to who you are. Your authenticity always shines through. I think that’s why so many people are drawn to you:) I hope your trip this summer will help fill the void of missing your family. Savour the moments and bring back lots of memories (and photos!). xC.

  2. Christopher says:

    I can relate to so many of your feelings here Tamar–from the feelings of disconnect to the feelings of vulnerability. What more can we hope for than your simple conclusion? Really insightful post!

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